Kevin Keegan Has Little Sympathy For Wayne Rooney’s Tabloid ‘U’ Turn

Former England manager Kevin Keegan has added his five-penneth to the debate over the slump in Wayne Rooney‘s form, inferring that the Manchester United striker’s ‘confidence has been shot’ following the torrent of tabloid bulls*t that has recently fallen in his lap.

Summarising for ESPN after United’s 2-2 draw with Bolton yesterday, Keegan used a rather confusing faucet-based analogy to get his point across – such is the man;

“You can’t turn around and say there’s too much paparazzi around or too much publicity. You can’t have all the contracts, sell your wedding to magazines and things like that, and then suddenly say, ‘That’s the tap I want to turn on, but we want to turn the other [tabloid intrusion] tap off’.

It’s just the one tap and I know from when I played that if you are advertising boots and all these things, you have to go and make appearances. You are going to appear in the paper.”

Keegan then went on to offer Rooney some sage advice that he was once given, as well as sum up the negative effect that the exposure has had on his performances;

“The one thing I would say is keep your home and your family out of it and just take your endorsements if that’s what you want to do. You can’t courting the idea one minute and then the next minute say ‘I don’t want this’.

His performance at Bolton tells me his confidence is shot. Last year, you’d fancy him to put some of these chances into the net.

For United to get back to where they should be – and winning at places like Bolton – they need to be getting Wayne Rooney firing on all cylinders.”

Now, whilst it is unquestionably true that the tabloid press are almost entirely void of morality and will go out of their way to squeeze every last drop of rotten copy out of even the most vapid of stories, but the salient fact remains that – as an outwardly upstanding, card-carrying proponent of contemporary global sporting culture – you really shouldn’t be bedding fame-hungry, day-shift prostitutes behind your pregnant wife’s back.

I’ve said it before and I’ll probably say it again: If you can’t do the time (or afford to let your form slip), don’t put your shrivelled little red-raw penis in places it shouldn’t be.

Does anybody out there have really have any sympathy for ‘our Wayne’ and the little predicament he’s got himself into?