You’ve barely used your official West Ham aftershave…That was one of the classic options that springs to mind when flicking through some of the more left-field gift options from years gone by. Below, we’ve decided to pick out the worst Premier League Christmas presents from every team in 2023.
Worst Premier League Christmas Presents From Every Team 2023
Arsenal
There are simply no shortage of options for Arsenal Christmas presents this year – the merchandising team seemingly release a new collection of retro-inspired fits on a by-weekly basis.
It was actually a bit of a struggle attempting to unearth a bit of tat on the Arsenal store, with their gift section boasting 390 different products, most of which would make suitable presents for any die-hard fan.
Nevertheless, opening up this egg cup on Christmas morning could go one of two ways.
Aston Villa
Anyone donning the claret and blue of Aston Villa at this moment in time will be doing so proudly, but we can’t help but think this embossed earring is a step too far.
It was a close battle with a rather garish women’s sports bra, but this earring takes the crown.
Bournemouth
In all fairness this might make a nice surprise present for a flat cap-wearing Cherries fan, but you’d have to look long and hard to realise it is Bournemouth-related merch.
The flat cap sits among a line-up of similarly low-key items of clothing with a stylish twist, but you really are paying a premium for what amounts to a tiny leather tassel on the side.
Brentford
As far as Brentford Christmas presents go, this is just about the worst we could find.
Ladies, would you be happy if your husband snuck this £30 – yes £30 – pyjama set into this year’s stocking? For us, it runs along a dangerous line of a light-hearted joke and never-to-be-worn tat.
Brighton
Although we have picked out Brighton’s matching bralette and brief set as the club’s worst Christmas present, it is proving very popular on their site with only a few sizes remaining.
Whether this is women buying it for themselves, or men buying it for their partners is another question.
Burnley
Nothing screams an Englishman abroad more than these England themed Burnley flip-flops.
Keep your eyes peeled poolside in summer 2024 – there are sure to be a few rounded, pale Clarets strutting about the resort in a pair of these.
Chelsea
I think it’s fair to say most Chelsea fans would prefer a gift that has nothing to do with their club at this moment in time, largely due to fears of being publicly ridiculed after drifting to 16/1 to finish in the top four, according to Premier League betting sites.
This American style, baseball-esque cap would certainly not help their case.
Expect to see Todd Boehly donning one of these at Stamford Bridge soon.
Crystal Palace
Wonder if any Crystal Palace fans prematurely cracked into their strawberry and rhubarb vodka after snatching a point away at Manchester City earlier in December.
The Eagles are winless in their previous six, so this £40 bottle of what presumably is a sickly sweet vodka may help someway to masking their bitter form.
Everton
Not many would have predicted Everton’s fascinating renaissance this season, and even in the face of a 10-point deduction they have already made up the ground to jump out of the relegation zone, stretching their winning run to four against Burnley last time out.
As awful as it is, Toffees would be forgiven for adding a little sunshine to Christmas Day with this garish number.
Fulham
For context, we are not singling out Raul Jimenez – you can choose from a host of different player options for these mini-me cushions.
These Fulham Christmas presents are comically bad. Not only is the printing wildly off kilter, but these will set you back a whole £30.
Almost as bad value as Fulham matchday tickets this season.
Liverpool
Granted, this might actually smell fantastic.
An excerpt on the product page reads: “Every Red needs a finishing touch getting ready for the match or for an occasion. Add a scent of class to yours with the LFC Aftershave.”
The word ‘class’ might be a bit of stretch, and we just can’t get past the thought of this bottle containing the musky scent of warm Carlsberg and Scouse stew.
Luton
We have to hand it to Luton’s Christmas present selection – they made finding tat almost impossible.
By a process of deduction, we landed on this pen which, presumably, would have a hard time sparking any excitement, even if you are a Luton fan.
It does light up though.
Manchester City
Inevitably, this article will be published into the void, only for someone from the future to unearth it and remind everyone how cheap these commemorative paper weights were at retail.
Still, forty British pounds seems rather steep.
Manchester United
You have got to feel for any unsuspecting mothers who purchased this framed Rasmus Hojlund print.
Perhaps unbeknownst to them, the £75m Dane continues to draw blank in the Premier League as we approach 2024.
Newcastle United
Not much to say on this other than its quite literally a rubber duck with a Newcastle badge on it.
Nottingham Forest
Tacky or tasteful?
This is likely to divide opinion; this is either exactly what you wanted for Christmas, or one of those gifts you’ll be sifting through the bin for the receipt.
It comes wrapped in a delicate Nomination gift box, so the recipient will be momentarily fooled into thinking you just got them jewellery.
Sheffield United
We can’t quite get our heads around how this golden football gnome costs £25.
You know those Christmas ornaments that your family never actually takes out of the box to put up every year? This is one of those.
Tottenham
Hun…you’ve not used any of your Hotspur blend I got you last year…
Not quite sure where the association with ground coffee and Tottenham comes from, but this seems like a stretch from the merchandising team.
West Ham
This West Ham Christmas present is a little on the nose; we couldn’t help but crack a smile though.
If you work on site, expect to see your all your Hammers colleagues arrive at work after Christmas with their Hammers hammer.
Wolves
As you can probably tell by now, SportsLens is not a fan of Americanisms in the Premier League.
What purpose does the ‘USA’ font serve? Wolverhampton bears almost no resemblance to the States, nor does it have any association.
It feels like that awkward period of fashion in the early 2010’s where brands were putting random US cities on t-shirts.
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