It has become a customary part of the off-season to scan the college football scene to find the most outrageous names possible. Why does this sport draw in the most unique of namesets? No one is certain, but it doesn’t stop an influx of wild and whacky youngsters from being snapped up, all hoping for chance to break into the NFL. Join us as we take a look at the best names in college football for 2023.
Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele immortalised the conversation surrounding football and unique names in their ‘East/West College Bowl’ sketch.
If you are lucky enough not to have seen it yet, you are truly in for a treat. Hypothetical names such as ‘D’Jasper Probincrux III’, ‘Davoin Shower-Handel’ and ‘Hingle McCringleberry’ are of course a comical amplification of the names we see in real life, but you would be surprised how close they are to some of this year’s cohort.
With that in mind, let’s get into some of 2023’s notable, distinctive and frankly peculiar names.
Best Names in College Football 2023
Pig Cage – USTA Roadrunners
A former Nicholls Colonels and LSU Tigers linebacker, Pig now plys his trade at USTA Roadrunners.
They will be hoping to un-CAGE (sorry) him in his third season.
Fish McWilliams – UAB
What possessed his parents to name him ‘Fish’ is beyond us, but we think it suits him. Just look at that adorable face, tell me he isn’t a ‘Fish’.
My first official favorite name of the 2022 football season is UAB defensive lineman, Fish Williams. And he is adorable. pic.twitter.com/fMh6PvARRN
— FakaktaSouth (@FakaktaSouth) September 2, 2022
Tiger Shanks – UNLV
Moving onto a player whose name doesn’t quite match his appearance is Tiger Shanks, who features for UNLV Rebels in his sophomore year this season.
Moh Bility – UNT
Surely you are pulling our leg? Nope, this is his actual name.
He was somewhat I-Moh-bile (sorry again) last season after being redshirted.
The defensive backfield of Moh Bility, Pig Cage, Dude Person, Storm Duck, Major Burns and Kool-Aid McKinstry is spectacular. No misses there.
— Adam Shinder (@Adam_Shinder) July 17, 2023
General Booty – Oklahoma
If you thought it couldn’t get any better than Moh Bility, it just did.
Kool-Aid McKinstry – Alabama Crimson Tide
Hazard a guess what Mr and Mrs McKinstry’s favourite beverage is?
The 20-year-old’s real name is Ga’Quincy, but his mother gave him the nickname at birth and it has stuck ever since.
Decoldest Crawford – Louisiana Tech
The coldest, sorry, DEcoldest Crawford will swap the Great Plains for the swamps of Louisiana beginning next season.
Remember Decoldest Crawford?
Well the Nebraska WR just signed an NIL deal with an A/C company 🧊💀
(via @SOSHVACOmaha) pic.twitter.com/pq9f1ebLW8
— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) July 28, 2022
Rowdy Beers – FIU
I’m sure no one loves a few rowdy beers with the boys on a Friday night more than FIU’s Rowdy Beers.
Parker Titsworth – Ohio
We’ll let you decipher what we found funny about this one.
Honorable Mentions
- Juice Scruggs
- Nemo Squire
- Demon Clowney
- Boobie Curry
- Tonka Hemingway
- Meatball Smith
- Hot Rid Fitten
- Blazen Lono-Wong
- Squirrel White
- Hannes Hammer
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