Joe Kinnear is already proving to be the biggest joke of the summer for Newcastle


Joe Kinnear is a great entertainer. Just when you thought that Newcastle United are moving in the right direction (cough!), they quickly switched on their laughing-stock button, happily proving you wrong again, following the appointment of their new director of football, Mr Kinnear.

Really, what an appointment! Just 24 hours have passed since he has taken the charge (albeit unofficially), and already the 66-year-old is pushing syringes of Nitrous oxide into our veins.


The former Toon boss was greeted with widespread criticism from the Magpies’ fans but instead of clarifying his position, Kinnear went on with a foul-mouthed rant directed towards the fans and the media.

Of course, we knew, he has a problem with pronouncing names. Remember, Charles Insomnia? But we also thought, he might have corrected that disease, after long years of managerial absence.

Oh, No. We were so wrong!

He pronounced Yohan Cabaye as ‘Cabab’, managing director Derek Lambias as ‘Lambezee’, Shola Ameobi as ‘Amanobi’ and Jonas Gutierrez as ‘Gaultierez’.

Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh. These are tough names to pronounce and are not mono-syllable either. Everyone can make mistake.

But what about B-e-n A-r-f-a? Kinnear pronounced his name as both ‘Ben Afrie’ and ‘Ben Afra’. Glad, Frank Lampard doesn’t play for Newcastle; otherwise he would have certainly called him Frank Lamping or something like that.

Kinnear will mainly handle the transfer side of things at Newcastle. He boasts of having extensive world-wide contacts and insisted that he has “more intelligence” than the club supporters. Kinnear was quoted in the Guardian:

“I heard a silly comment of ‘what can I attract?’ I can open the door to any manager in the world, anyone, that’s the difference.

“I’ve spent my whole life talking to [Sir] Alex Ferguson, week in, week out. I can pick the phone up at any time of the day and speak to Arsene Wenger, any manager in the league. In all the divisions.”

There you see, you’re wrong to criticize him. Kinnear claimed that he had played more than more than 400 games for Tottenham, while in reality it was 258.

Never mind. Sometimes it is better to ignore stats, when someone is blazing guns with his rant. He was quoted in the Mirror:

“Already they’re jumping on the bandwagon and saying, ‘look out, Pards’. But I expect it, it’s water off a duck’s arse.”

The above linked article was written by Simon Bird, who of all journalists probably knows how ugly Kinnear can become when he transcends in his own world of rants. Just a brief extract of what he said in October 2008 to the fellow journo. Click here to hear that infamous rant in full. Expect explicit language!

“Which one of you is Simon Bird?” Kinnear asked.

“Me,” Bird replied.

Kinnear continued: “You’re a c*nt.”

Kinnear, who claimed the responsibility of signing Tim Krul (signed by Graeme Souness) and James Perch (Chris Hughton), said he has spoken to Alan Pardew on the phone and will meet him on Tuesday for lunch.

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