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An open letter to Manchester City’s ‘most famous’ fan



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Dear Noel Gallagher,

I am an avid fan of Oasis. I really like all of your music despite people’s claims that all your music sounds the same. I even own a copy of Masterplan. I know that none of those songs were smash hits, but who cares? You’re Oasis that’s all that matters. Who cares what they think anyways, they probably live in the red side of Manchester. This brings me to my point: I don’t think your beloved Manchester City will win anything this year. Please refrain from hitting me, but I’m only trying to be honest with you. You’re used to losing anyways, so it shouldn’t come as too much of a shock but please hear me out.

You see Noely (do you mind if I call you Noely? Great) despite all the hype around your boys in blue for the upcoming season, you didn’t really add much. Now before you go judging, I understand that you added some high profile names, but I really don’t think that these players will help you win anything. Let’s take a look.

Gareth Barry – 12 million pounds
The first  major addition to your side and this one, I have to say, must have infuriated this guy who plays in a certain neighbouring city named Benitez. I have to say, he’s a good one. He has the ability to command the midfield and City’s gain is Villa’s loss. Definitely a great addition to a weak central midfield.

Roque Santa Cruz – 17 million pounds
Next Mr. Hughes brought in Roque Santa Cruz. He was a fantastic striker for Bayern Munich. He was a fantastic striker for Blackburn (and a steal as well at 3.5 million pounds). He won’t be a fantastic striker at CityI think City dropped the ball on this one, especially considering the price tag. Considering he hasn’t played a game for the better part of the year I think it’s a very high risk signing. If he pans out, he certainly won’t be the Santa Cruz we all know and his price tag won’t warrant it either.

Carlos Tevez
Oh Noely…Tevez will only bring good things to this City side, but as we’ve seen over the past few months all he wants is first team football….and he also understands that he won’t always get a chance at first team football in a team of stars…and he was also rewarded with a massive watch. Tevez will definitely be his self at City. The only thing between Tevez and another great season is murder at the hands of a Mancunian…something that I certainly hope does not happen, but who knows what can happen? They shot Tupac didn’t they? (no they didn’t, I bet he’s still alive)

Emmanuel Adebayor
Another striker you say? Well it seems to be the trend on the blue side of Manchester and I have an itchy feeling that there’s going to be some kind of striker crisis going on. Adebayor is a classy striker who has proven himself to be a goal scoring striker, but will he possess the same lethal touch without that beautiful Arsenal passing feeding him all day long? He will definitely maybe be a star at Manchester (did you get that reference there? I’m brilliant, I know)

Kolo Toure
He must be friends with Adebayor or something because he swiftly followed his fellow Gooner out of London and into Manchester. Or he was bored at Arsenal, as Manuel Almunia suggested. Or he really likes money. Either way, he’s definitely one of the best defenders in the league, Toure will provide City with a much needed defender at the back to assist Richard Dunne in his endeavours.

So Noely, what do you think? Well if I were you I would certainly be thinking that City have a serious chance of challenging for a place in the top quarter of the league (for those of you who are weaker at math, that means top 5). Arsenal’s losses will be City’s gains and if anyone’s dropping out of the top for it has to be the Gunners.

A big issue that might arise for the Citizens, though, is a striker crisis. In addition to their summer signings, City already has Bellamy, Benjani, and Robinho up front (not to mention Jo out on loan at Everton). This could prove to be a problem in the dressing room, and if I know anything about anything, Football Manager has told me that harmony in the dressing room is necessary for your team to succeed. They even complained when I brought in Ricardo Fuller because his personality could potentially disrupt the squad harmony.

If that tells you anything (and it should because Football Manager is life) and if you’ve ever heard anything about Craig Bellamy (if you haven’t, you should remember that Bellamy once threw a chair at his coach, beat one of his teammates with a golf club and mimed it in his next goal celebration, and is an overall insane man) then you’ll understand why this might be a problem.

The midfield is stronger now and I think that City will be pushing for a top spot in the first half of the season, a lot like Aston Villa did last year. Stephen Ireland is probably one of the most underrated midfielders in the league and his contributiopons will help the team flourish. But I’m sorry to say, Mr. Gallagher, that much like Villa last year, City won’t be able to keep it up. They’ll get tired or suffer from inexperience and ultimately I predict that they will improve on their 10th place finish from last year all the way up to 5th or 6th.

So Noely, get ready for European football because that’s where your boys are headed in the form of the Europa League. They will certainly make a name for themselves in the league this year and perhaps even prosper, but right now all I see for the boys in blue is a shock of the lightning on the league. City’s a litany. A magical mystery. But at the end of the day for the time being, it is most certainly all in your head, Noely.