10 ways you can tell the new season is approaching:
- A national debate following the national team’s abject failure at <insert tournament here> finishes, a scapegoat is decided upon and abused ad infinitum.
- Fantasy Football leagues emerge from nowhere, become an obsession for a few hours, and are then quietly forgotten about for the rest of the season.
- Harry Redknapp says he will not be signing many players, or that he has to sell to buy. We all know he’s talking rubbish and that on deadline day he’ll be wheeling and dealing like always.
- The latest will – he won’t – he move abroad saga, helpfully accompanied by holiday snaps and mock-ups of the star in their supposed new shirt.
- Roughly half of your friends’ Facebook updates stop being Bejewelled Blitz/Farmville/Mafia scores, and these friends profusely deny all knowledge of said game’s existence.
- Fans complain about being ripped off for their new shirts this year, and yet go out and buy all 17 “innovative” and slightly different to last year’s efforts, at £45 each.
- Spurs/Manchester City/Aston Villa fans start claiming that this is their season, 35th time lucky.
- Manchester United clear off to some far flung destination “spreading the word of soccer” (Read: raking in the dollars).
- A new oil magnate/hedge fund manager/other assorted Mr. Moneybags takes over a mediocre Premiership team, promising to make them übermeisters of the universe in 5 years.
- Arsene Wenger says that due to another year’s experience in his squad and 2 signings nobody has ever heard of, they WILL win something this year.
If you have any more, post them below…