Didier Drogba is Frosty The Snowman

I’m sure we’re all well aware of the story of Frosty the Snowman. In case you aren’t, let’s refresh your memory.

Originally a song, Frosty is about some kids making a regular snowman; the three massive snowballs, the carrot nose, the coal eyes, the scarf, the tophat, the whole nine yards. Pretty ordinary, right? Well as it turns out, the kids in the song found some hat in their attic which, when placed on this snowman’s head, brought him to life (I wish that worked on my blowup dolls…).

Once alive, Frosty brings happiness and joy to the kids of the neightbourhood, but he mysteriously runs away from the kids at the end of all these adventures, claiming that he ‘will be back again someday’. Personally, I think he may very well be a serial pedophile, but that is for another discussion. In some variations of the story, due to the weather getting warmer in the middle of December, (because apparently, Frosty’s Australian) he melts.

So where does Drogba fit in to all of this? There are two reasons as to why I have elected Drogba as Frosty. First and foremost, his form has been incredible over the course of the season. He has scored 13 goals in 15 league games, along with 3 goals in 3 games in Europe. For those of you not so good at math, that means he’s scored at a rate of a goal a game. You can’t really get much better than that and I’m certain that he has brought joy not only to the little kids on the Chelsea side of London, but to all the people who wear blue over there as well (not to mention the fact that he terrorizes me in any fantasy league I play in).

The problem, though, is that Frosty Drogba is going to have to leave Chelsea for all of January to compete in the African Nations Cup. Don’t worry, he’ll be back again someday, (in February) but until that time I believe that Chelsea is going to suffer from his absence. This is, of course, obvious enough, but let’s just put this into perspective for a second; Frosty Drogba is no doubt one of the best, if not the best at his position in the world.

Any team without their best player will suffer. Manchester United without Rooney, Liverpool without Torres, Barcelona without Messi and Madrid without Ronaldo are all completely different teams. Of course, it is a true test of the manager and the team to see how they cope without their best players, and so it will be a truly interesting, Drogba-less month of January for Chelsea and the Premier League.

And on top of all of that, his name fits brilliantly into the actual song:

Dee-dee-eh Drog-ba, was a jolly happy soul,
With a corn cop pipe and a button nose,
And two eyes made out of coal,

Dee-dee-eh Drog-ba, is a fairy tale they say,
He was made of snow,
But the children know how he came to life one day.
There must of been some magic in,
That ol’ silk cap they found,
For when they placed it on his head,
He began to dance around!!!

Dee-Dee-eh Drog-ba, was alive as he could be,
And the children say, he could laugh and play,
Just the same as you and me.

Dee-Dee-eh Drog-ba, knew the snow was hot that day,
So he said lets run, and have some fun before I melt away.
Down to the village with a broom stick in his hand,
Runnin’ here and there all around the square
Sayin’ catch me if you can!

He led them down the streets of town,
Right to the traffic cop.
And he only paused a moment when he heard him holler “Stop!!!”

Dee-Dee-eh Drog-ba,
Had to hurry on his way
But he waved goodbye, sayin’ “please don’t cry,
I’ll be back again some day!”

Thumpety thump thump
Thumpety thump thump
Look at Drogba go!

Thumpety thump thump
Thumpety thump thump
Over the hills of snow.

Hopefully I’ve inspired some Chelsea fans to sing something new at their matches in the upcoming weeks. If not, at least I’ve amused myself.

Back to the “Footballers as Christmas Characters” article.

Also See: Soccerlens’ Christmas Babes.