Ferguson: I’ll retire after Manchester United win the treble

In a hard-hitting interview, Sir Alex Ferguson has admitted that if Manchester United win the treble this season, he will considering retiring on a high note.

Ferguson was bullish about Manchester United’s title chances this season, claiming that his squad had the metal to “beat any side in the world” and that despite Vidic’s unfortunate injury, Manchester United had the resources to cope with all challenges.


“There’s no reason to doubt our title credentials. We have one hand on the title now, and our recent form – the wins against Liverpool, against Boro, against Bolton and now against Blackburn – shows that we are very strong going into the final stages of this season.”

On Chelsea’s title threat:

“Yes, you can’t be over-confident and think that Chelsea aren’t close, but to be honest, do you really think we will throw a 6-point lead away just like that? Chelsea have nothing left in the tank after their grueling injury crisis, and they have been off-color all season. Manchester United, on the other hand, have been fantastic and are hitting a purple patch of form at the right time.

If I was Jose Mourinho I would be very, very afraid. Not only is he close to losing his job, he’s also losing his ‘aura’ and how he’ll handle being a beaten manager, that’s anyone guess. God help Mrs Mourinho.”

Ferguson wasn’t done though. When asked about Manchester United’s treble chances, he had this to say:

“Treble? Definitely within our reach. I think that at the very least we’re looking at the Premier League, an FA Cup final and the semi-finals of the Champions League.

Watford – our boy Foster is the only good player they have, and when we play them they’ll realise that the physical game doesn’t rattle us like it rattles Arsenal or Chelsea. We can mix it up with the best of them as Blackburn found out last night, and we will thrash them easily.

Roma – all due respect to their players – are a second-tier side. You saw how these teams over-achieve and then get found out at the top level. Porto reaching the final was a fluke – Mourinho got them there through his bag of dirty tricks. We’re smarter now, and we’re definitely better. Roma hold no fears for us, I expect us to go to the Olympic Stadium and win the tie there on Wednesday.

Totti? Mancini? Taddei? They are nothing compared to Rooney, Ronaldo, Scholes and Giggs. We have the better players, we have the better morale and this is our year.”

On Beckham and Ruud:

“Look, I’m sorry that I let two of our best players go, but what was I to do? You don’t expect me to apologise to a armpit-shaving pussy, do you? And Ruud, don’t even get me started on him. You nurture a kid back to fitness and you back him over vastly better players like Henry, and what do you get? The bastard refused to fight! I couldn’t stand it.

Yes, I drove both of them out. I had to. It was either them or me.

It was the same with Keane – he’s a fantastic lad and he’s doing a great job at Sunderland, but he was too big for his britches.”

On his managerial future:

“I think – no, I know – that we will win the Premier League this year. I also know that we’ll be playing at Wembley and that we have a good shot at playing in Athens too.

I’d like to walk out of Athens after winning the second treble – and if I do that, I will retire.

Yes, I will definitely retire after winning the Champions League again.”

On Hargreaves:

“Bayern have been shameful, dishonorable even. Bloody cunts I tell you. They agree to a deal and then pull out at the last minute because they’re afraid of losing face. Then they refuse to sell a player that clearly wants to go, it’s madness, it’s illegal, and if they pull the same stunt again this summer I will personally report them to Platini.”

On Ronaldo:

“Manchester United own his ass, he’s not going anywhere.”

On Soccerlens.com:

“I think you’ve done a fantastic job here Ahmed – although I don’t understand why you support those cunts (Beckham, Ruud, Keane) when you clearly know that they are not Manchester United, Alex Ferguson is Manchester United.

And the way you pander to those pathetic Arsenal fans – what the hell are you thinking?”

Thank you, Sir Alex, for that insightful interview – it was much appreciated!

Disclaimer: April Fool! 🙂 Nothing in the above news item should be considered truthful, as it is all a figment of the author’s imagination. To comment on this item, to offer your views on this ‘prank’ or to read more April Fool stories, please visit the official April Fools page on Soccerlens.

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