Didier the sleeping assassin

The world of football never ceases to provide gems of amusement to keep us all smiling.

Footballers are not known for their intelligence, but Didier Drogba has once again proved he is not a master of tact. After causing a stink in an interview a few years ago when he seemed to claim he was a diver (which, to be fair, could well have been a problem with language as much as anything else), this week he has announced he often struggles to concentrate for a whole hour and a half each week.

“It’s funny”, he says (I don’t see Abramovich who finances his extortionate weekly wage laughing), “because there are some times in a game when you don’t touch the ball for a while, and then you notice the crowd is there.” Bless you Didier. You’ve been a professional footballer for over nine years; had you really never noticed before? Should have gone to Specsavers.

In a week in which some hope finally returned to England fans after two consecutive better-than-average performances, Gary Megson was quick to curb the happiness of the supporters by threatening that big centre forward Kevin Davies could play for England one day.

Kevin is “a great lad to have around the place” according to Mr Megson, clearly showing sulky Michael Owen the error of his ways. It is currently unconfirmed whether Capello will also be calling up Lee Evans, Dermot O’Leary or Ricky Gervais.

Congratulations to Harry Redknapp, who celebrates 25 years in football management this weekend. ‘Onest ‘Arry is one of the few characters left in the game, and is a joy to watch in both his conferences and his TV debut on Panorama. A man with undeniable managerial ability, he has never ceased to provide entertaining and fast-paced football teams. The wheeler-dealer has been dubbed “the Arthur Daley” of football for his transfer record, which boasts the inspired purchases of Paulo Di Canio, Jermain Defoe, Sol Campbell, Sully Muntari, Nico Krancjar and Eyal Berkovic to name but a few.

Then again, he’s also bought Marco Boogers, Scott Minto, Titi Camara, David Nugent and Javier Margas. So he’s probably not quite David Dickinson yet.

There was mixed news for Arsenal fans this week; after a fantastic goalscoring performance by youngster Aaron Ramsey for Wales U21s in midweek, which won him plaudits from the managers of both teams and showed he may be able to step up to the senior team sooner rather than later, a dark cloud loomed over the starlet when veteran Craig Bellamy offered to become his role model. It seems Aaron took him up on his offer, as he was later seen leaving JJB Sports with a set of child-size golf clubs.

And finally, spare a thought for Xabi Alonso. In his last three league games a player has been sent off for a lunging tackle on him (Tim Cahill, Richard Dunne and now Antonio Valencia). Being assaulted three times in as many weeks is a bit much, even up in Liverpool.

The Armchair Fan promises to bring you all the stories from the football world which you will have missed in the regular press – check them out at his website.