Premier League Predictions: West Ham to hold Manchester United, Newcastle to beat Chelsea, Liverpool and Arsenal to win


Tubby Brazilian Ronaldo may be one of the greatest players to ever grace a football pitch, but he’s definitely a poor role model. The AC Milan man let himself down when he invited three members of the late-night entertainment industry back to a motel. It wasn’t just the fact that they turned out to be ladyboys; he shamefully offered to pay them for doing nothing. If I pay a builder to construct a conservatory, and he brings along a few superfluous tools, I’d expect him to keep his head down and finish the job.

This sorry tale was not the only case of mistaken identity this week; Rio Ferdinand kicked a female Chelsea steward after mistaking her for a wall. It sounds like a tall story, but I once kicked the wife by accident; I thought she was her mother.

This is Rio’s first high profile gaffe since that moment of madness a few years ago, when he dated Emma Bunton. I will definitely be dipping in to the 7/1 for a draw between Manchester United and West Ham.

Rio wasn’t the only player involved in controversy at Stamford Bridge last week; Michael Ballack and Didier Drogba almost came to blows over a free kick; they should really have got a room with Ronaldo. I can’t get my head around the 11/2 for a Newcastle win over Chelsea.

The funniest moment of the match came after the final whistle, when the Manchester United players had a Benny Hill style fight with the Chelsea groundsmen. The United boys were completely out of order; Rio Ferdinand should know by now to keep off the grass. Middlesbrough are involved in a real fight, they’ll beat Portsmouth at 11/10.

Rafa Benitez’s decision to wind up Didier Drogba prior to their Champion’s League semi will rightfully be filed alongside Ronaldo’s shemale escapades in the ‘what a massive rick’ category, but both are trumped by my decision to make a move on a waitress when I holidayed in Thailand. I won’t bore you with all the gruesome details, but let’s just say that she wasn’t the only one who received a large tip. I’m far more comfortable with this tip; back Liverpool to beat the imploding Manchester City at 8/11.

Gareth Barry is considering a move to Liverpool as he wants to join a club that can match his ambition. Evidently his ambition is to perform adequately in Europe and never win the league. The Villa can overtake Everton for the UEFA cup spot by seeing off Wigan at 4/7.

Last week was disastrous for Birmingham City. As the Blues threw away a 2-0 lead at home, Fulham were performing miracles in Manchester and Bolton were holding on for a point at White Hart Lane. Maybe there is a little truth in the gypsy’s curse; they should never have sold him to Blackburn. Fulham v Birmingham will be a cracker, I’ll explode when Fulham take the points at 5/4.

Robbie Savage could definitely forge a career in the female impersonation industry once his best footballing days are behind him; somewhere in 1998. Blackburn are a far better team since they dropped the blonde deadwood; they’ll beat Derby by two or more goals at 5/6.

If Reading v Tottenham produces as much action as the reverse fixture, it’ll be quite an entertaining game. Tottenham romped to a 6-4 victory at the Lane; narrowly foiling my bet on ‘no goalscorer’. Reading have deteriorated since then; they haven’t scored a goal since March and only Derby have a worse goal difference. If Tottenham don’t take all three points at 12/5, I’ll be more hurt than when I woke up in Thailand with a worse limp than Heather Mills.

All the warning signs were there with that Thai waitress, she actually warned me that she’d be bringing some nuts up to the room. I thought she meant that I’d enjoy a late night snack – unfortunately, I was correct. I’m definitely right in taking a large slice of the 8/11 for an Arsenal win over Everton.

I’m reminded of my Thai nightmare whenever I see Roy Keane’s infamous challenge on Alf-Inge Haaland; that was some tackle. Roy’s boys have been priced up at 11/2 against Bolton, that’s very, very big.

It was quite ironic that I ended up in a compromising position with a male who looked like a female, as my wife could easily pass for a builder. Aston Villa, Blackburn, Tottenham and Arsenal form a 10/1 accer of which there can be absolutely no ambiguity.

Premier League Fixtures

Saturday 3 May 2008

12:45 Manchester United v West Ham United
15:00 Middlesbrough v Portsmouth
15:00 Fulham v Birmingham City
15:00 Blackburn Rovers v Derby County
15:00 Reading v Tottenham Hotspur
15:00 Aston Villa v Wigan Athletic
17:15 Bolton Wanderers v Sunderland

Sunday 4 May 2008

11:45 Arsenal v Everton
16:00 Liverpool v Manchester City

Monday 5 May 2008

16:00 Newcastle United v Chelsea

OLBG Bet of the Week

Villa Park is where OLBG are placing their betting funds this week. We are plumping for Aston Villa-1 on the Asian Handicap against Wigan. Odds of just above evens have been taken and we expect a comfortable Saturday for Martin O’Neil. Many of the OLBG forum will be at the game as the members are having a free day out, whether this will inspire Villa or hinder them we will have to wait and see.

This game was far and away the most popular premiership match debated upon and most expect Villa to continue their sparkling end of season form. Our season challenge to beat the bookies has been a fantastic exercise albeit with huge highs and lows and tempers frayed but does go to show with some great bets what can be achieved by working together. This is the OLBG mantra.

Arrow to top