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Real Madrid promise £100m for Cristiano Ronaldo – Manchester United cash in



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The article below is an April Fools Joke. The real story of Cristiano Ronaldo’s transfer to Madrid is here.

In the most expensive transfer in the history of professional sports, Real Madrid have committed to paying 100m for Manchester United’s Cristiano Ronaldo.

In a move that David Gill described as ‘the textbook definition of too-good-to-refuse’, Manchester United will net £100m upfront and take off around £6m / year from their bloated wage bill. If there was ever a profit to be made, the American owners have made it here.

This is all part of Manchester United’s plan to pay off their debt by 21 December 2012, and along with selling Ronaldo to Real Madrid they are also poised to sell several other players to leading European clubs.

Ronaldo will move to Real Madrid in July after the Euro 2008 championship in the summer, signing a mind-boggling deal that:

  • gets him £200k / week, in basic pay
  • £100k for every goal scored
  • £50k for every penalty won
  • £20k for every prostitute he shags that the press finds out about
  • £50k for every celebrity he shags – that the press …
  • Free condoms for life (Durex have jumped at the chance of sponsoring the most expensive sportsman’s shorts)

Frank Rijkaard, the next Real Madrid manager, was quick to downplay the expenses:

Ronaldo is the ultimate Galactico – the way he struts after scoring, the sheer audacity of his goals and the quality of his dribbling makes him a joy to watch, both for male and female fans.

Cristiano Ronaldo will – how do you say it – bring the sexy back to Real Madrid.

Ruud van Nistelrooy, the dutch scoring machine and former teammate of Ronaldo at Manchester United and now at Real Madrid, wasn’t worried about reigniting their feud:

I’m not too worried about Ronaldo – everyone knows that he’s here to score goals, shag the women of Spain and earn the club more money than ever. More goals and more money means bonuses for all of us, and my wife left me a long time ago, so I have nothing to be afraid of from Ronaldo.

I look forward to playing with him and hopefully we can compete together for all sorts of records at Real Madrid.

No one from Manchester United was available for official comments, although an insider had this to say:

I am happy to see Ronaldo go – back in Korea they always compare me with Cristiano, now I will be in the starting XI and show my family back home who the real star is at Manchester United. More playing time will help me find where the goal is as well, fingers crossed.

Pundits are predicting an unexpected sweep of all trophies next season for Real Madrid – surely they will be able to win the coveted Champions League trophy with Ronaldo on their side?

And in other news…

BREAKING NEWS: Manchester United to sell players and stadium to pay off £700m debt

Manchester United Sex Scandal – Ronaldo, Rooney, Anderson and Nani in US orgy

Disclaimer: April Fool! 🙂 Nothing in the above news item should be considered truthful – it is all a figment of the author’s imagination. To read more April Fool stories, please visit our April Fools section on Soccerlens.