Chelsea have been the most successful club in the Premier League ever since Roman Abramovich took over – 2 back-to-back titles and if the Premier League were to finish today, 3 2nd placed finishes that put them ahead of Manchester United and Arsenal in the last 5 years.
And yet this has come with a host of unpleasant side-effects:
- Everyone hates Chelsea
- They play boring football, and like a certain national team, not even Wenger could get them to play better
- Mourinho’s reign destroyed Chelsea’s reputation
- They have been embarrassed by Liverpool in Europe, and Manchester United in the Premier League
- Abramovich has lost hundreds of millions of pounds in just subsidising Chelsea’s financial losses in the last 5 years
So what next for Abramovich? A chilling bit of news coming out of Moscow suggests that unless Chelsea reach the final on 21st May and win the Champions League, Roman Abramovich will sell Chelsea to the highest bidder in the summer, pack his bags and go back to Russia.
Money-spinning ventures, such as hawking his stars to Bollywood and bribing the FA to have Terry made England captain have failed, although Abramovich still blames Mourinho’s mother for casting a curse on the club after Abramovich sacked the Portuguese.
Abramovich reportedly explored other options, but many US-based billionaires turned down the chance to buy Chelsea. A fan-based venture was also mooted, until someone pointed out to Roman that Chelsea’s fans couldn’t raise £1m, let alone the £1b that he was asking for.
When approached for a quote, Mr Abramovich had this to say:
Screw you guys, I’m going home.
Will Chelsea win the Champions League? Will that stop Abramovich for selling Chelsea for peanuts? Will Bates make a return as Chelsea chairman?
Disclaimer: April Fool! 🙂 Nothing in the above news item should be considered truthful – it is all a figment of the author’s imagination. To read more April Fool stories, please visit our April Fools section on Soccerlens.