Arabs to build Liverpool stadium, plans to merge club with Manchester City

Just how rich are the new sugar daddies at the Eastlands? Rich enough to build a football stadium with their OWN money. Take that, you American bastards.

In fact they’re so rich that they have launched an audacious bid to sign four of Liverpool’s top players in return for building the Reds’ long-awaited new stadium in Stanley Park. Dr Sulaiman Al-Fahim, the businessman behind the takeover, has offered to fly his slaves team of architects in from Abu Dhabi and build the stadium free of charge if Liverpool part company with Steven Gerrard, Javier Mascherano, Pepe Reina and Fernando Torres during the January transfer window.

Liverpool’s American owners, George Gillett and Tom Hicks, are believed to be happy with the deal, with sources quoting them as saying the deal “will secure the long-term future of the club.” The duo have recently made it known that work on the stadium will be delayed until economic conditions become more certain, but Dr Sulaiman has vowed to complete the stadium before the end of the current season.

Rafael Benitez is not happy with the decision but as usual he’s had little input in the matter. Morale in the camp is very high though, with the four outgoing players ecstatic to have a chance to actually win something and the youth/reserve team players itching to get a shot at actually starting for Liverpool. The only downside is that Jamie Carragher has announced his retirement at the end of the January transfer window saying that he could not stand being ignored by Manchester City.

The only other condition that Dr Sulaiman would impose is that the stadium be called Abu Dhabi United Stadium (or ‘United’ for short). But with Liverpool already in discussions with Dubai Investment Capital there is another option on the table. It is believed the two Arab groups would be willing to join together and merge the two clubs.

The new club has been given the working name M62 Arab United, and there are tentative plans to build a new stadium on wasteland near to Warrington. This option might be preferred as it would allow the two clubs to pool their players and financial resources. The club would play in a new purple kit to symbolise the coming together of red and blue.

Dr Sulaiman is said to believe that Liverpool are the rightful owners of football’s soul and is eager to snap it up as soon as possible. For their part, Liverpool fans must be delighted that after selling their soul to the devil, they’ve finally been given their rewards, at least in this lifetime.

If you haven’t figured it by now, the above article is a work of fiction. Try to take it lightly, or barring that, take a break from life and go find your sense of humour. Cheers.

Interview with Raphael Honigstein
The Communist Republic of Arsene Wenger


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