“To put it in gentleman’s terms if you’ve been out for a night and you’re looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they’re good looking and some weeks they’re not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She wasn’t the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let’s have a coffee” – on the “ugly” win against Chesterfield.
“If you’re a burglar, it’s no good poncing about outside somebody’s house, looking good with your swag bag ready. Just get in there, burgle them and come out. I don’t advocate that obviously, it’s just an analogy”
“Why haven’t they got cameras? The officials can speak to each other easily enough now. Why aren’t we using laptops that are linked up and can give a decision in five seconds? A chimpanzee could do it – with not much training. We might as well go back to being cavemen, grab our girl by the hair, drag her into the cave whether she wants to come in or not because we may as well live in that age. We’ve come forward, haven’t we?”
“In the first-half we were like the Dog and Duck, in the second-half we were like Real Madrid. We can’t go on like that. At full-time I was at them like an irritated Jack Russell.”
“I love Blackpool. We’re very similar. We both look better in the dark.”
“He’s six foot something, fit as a flea, good looking – he’s got to have something wrong with him. Hopefully he’s hung like a hamster – That would make us all feel better. Having said that, me missus has got a pet hamster at home, and his cock’s massive.” – talking about Cristiano Ronaldo.
“Right now, everything is going wrong for me. If I fell in a barrel of boobs, I’d come out sucking my thumb!”
“When my mum was running our house, when I was a kid, all the money was put into tins. She knew what was in every tin and I know how much I’ve got in my tin – that’s the way we’ll run this club.”
“Anyone who travelled up there please send me a letter. I would love to buy you a drink.” – after Plymouth beat Sunderland 3-2 away, in celebration of his first away win as manager, Holloway offered to buy every one of the 700 fans who made the 805-mile round trip a drink
“I reckon the ball was travelling at 400mph, and I bet it burned the keeper’s eyebrows off.”
“You can say that strikers are very much like postmen: they have to get in and out as quick as they can before the dog starts to have a go.”
“I always say that scoring goals is like driving a car. When the striker is going for goal, he’s pushing down that accelerator, so the rest of the team has to come down off that clutch. If the clutch and the accelerator are down at the same time, then you are going to have an accident.”
“There was a spell in the second half when I took my heart off my sleeve and put it in my mouth”
“Paul Furlong is my vintage Rolls Royce and he cost me nothing. We polish him, look after him, and I have him fine tuned by my mechanics. We take good care of him because we have to drive him every day, not just save him for weddings.” – On veteran striker Paul Furlong.
“Every dog has its day, and today is woof day! Today I just want to bark!” – Holloway after securing promotion to the Championship.
“Reporter: Ian, have you got any injury worries?
Holloway: No, I’m fully fit, thank you.”