BBC Sport’s quotes of the week page is always good for a few laughs, but this week they’ve outdone themselves:
Quotes of the Week
“I’m on first-name terms with about half the crowd!”
Grimsby defender John McDermott, 35, who played his 736th game for Grimsby against Wycombe on Saturday. I suspect it has more to do with the number of Grimsby fans (strangely unreported here) than the games McDermott has played for them.
“The other day I was on the internet and I saw this piece about me being among the 55 players nominated for the European Player of the Year award. Next to my name there was a cartoon, with me in an orange shirt, falling on the grass. The piece said that I had been nominated for an Oscar, not for the Golden Ball but for the Golden Dive. Cartoons are supposed to make you smile, but this one hurt so much.”
Chelsea’s Arjen Robben finally realises what most fans think he is famous for. And to think he said in public that he ‘had’ to dive in his first year to avoid getting injured.
“This is getting totally out of hand.”
England manager Steve McClaren gets fed up with questions about Stuart Downing before the Holland match. It got out of hand a long time before you came Stevo, right around when England went to the World Cup.
“I have not got accustomed to English life. The food is truly disastrous and it rains all the time.”
Manchester United’s French defender Patrice Evra is settling in well. They’ll run this forever, won’t they? Did he really say ‘truly disastrous’?
Commentator: “Did you ever have a lucky charm Graham?”
Graham Taylor: “Yes, my wife. But I never laid her on the touchline.”
Graham Taylor commenting on the Man City game and Stuart Pearce’s daughter’s toy horse, which he had been placing on the touchline. Missing out, GT?
“In some respects I don’t have any regrets. In other ways, I did blow £40m, lost my wife, everything I had and was made to start from scratch.”
Mark Goldberg, now manager of non-league Bromley, on his time as Crystal Palace owner. Would you switch places?
“Terrible marking, you don’t mark open spaces. Open space has never scored a goal in a football match.”
Steve McMahon commenting on William Gallas’ goal from a corner against Liverpool. The sort of things you learn…
“I have checked all my rule books and I can officially tell the listeners and Mr Lampard there is no rule that says you cannot tackle a Chelsea player.”
Comment from BRMB commentator during Chelsea v Villa match. They’re no rule against footballers being too thick, or managers being paranoid, or managers claiming bad eyesight. Someone should really look at those rules again.
Chants of the week
“I’m going home in a St John’s ambulance!”
Bolton fans at Bramall lane when an attractive St John’s nurse walked past.
Newcastle fans sing to Middlesbrough’s former Chelsea player Robert Huth. But who is their captain? and their Irish winger – and who did they play for?
“World Cup – and you ****** it up!”
All four sides of the ground, including away fans, chanting at Graham Poll during Everton-Arsenal game.
“Lets all do the Wenger.”
Arsenal fans against Everton in the Carling Cup, while they pushed each other singing the song. Good to see gooners with a sense of humour.
Have you won the European Cup?”
Aston Villa fans to Chelsea fans in response to any Chelsea song.