My heart goes out to the clinically depressed and the morbidly obese, but I have a genuine illness; I suffer from sleep deprivation. I believe my condition is a result of an incident that occurred many years ago, when I was naÃ¯ve enough to believe that physical attractiveness was not an essential requirement in the process of potential mate selection.
It was a Saturday night, and I found myself frequenting a nightclub with a group of friends, such was the custom at that time. As 2am arrived and a sense of desperation filled the air, I approached a lady who I thought looked quite hot. It turned out she was just very sweaty. As she made her intentions clear, I made the cardinal error of not topping up my alcohol level before exiting the building. On the taxi ride home, sobriety kicked in like a tortured mule.
Within two minutes of entering my humble abode, she was parading shamelessly in her birthday suit. It was at this stage that I fully appreciated the gravity of the situation. Unfortunately, my plea to go directly to the cigarette fell upon deaf ears. Without going into too much detail of what followed, I can confirm that I didn’t get a wink of sleep all night, and I’ve struggled to get my head down ever since.
As the dawn approached like a guardian angel, I plucked up the courage to ask her to leave by the back door, which was somewhat ironic. I made a conscious decision that morning to never return to the club, as the experience left me close to a breakdown. Kevin Keegan has been far less pragmatic. I do expect a significant short-term improvement for the Toon Army; I’ll be getting on the Geordies at 5/6 at home to Bolton.
I was quite surprised that Steve Bruce was never approached by Mike Ashley. Bruce has been in charge of Wigan for about seven weeks, so he is definitely due a move. I expect to see a massive move on Everton to beat Wigan at an exceedingly pleasant 11/8.
Fulham FC share a trait of mine: they start off quickly, but lack stamina. The Cottagers have lost a lead in 10 of their 22 Premier League matches this season, blowing 25 points in the process. I can only put Fulham’s lack or resolve down to poor conditioning; I’ll buy them a case of ‘Wash & Go’ after Arsenal turn them over at 8/15.
Blackburn are still struggling to find a replacement for Robbie Savage. They came close last week, but Sun Hill refused to release Gillian Taylforth. I’m diving on the 4/5 for a Blackburn win over Middlesbrough.
With matches at White Hart Lane producing an average of 5.1 goals, Juande Ramos has been forced to tighten up at the back; so he’s dropped Paul Robinson like an opinionated girlfriend. Spurs are on an upward curve as a result, they’re a confident selection at 4/9 against Sunderland.
Manchester City are a Jekyll and Hyde club. When they play at home, they’re an object of unquestionable beauty, yet when they leave Eastlands, they’re as useful as a military recruitment centre in Paris. West Ham are making the now familiar trip to the City of Manchester Stadium, you have to like the even money for another home win.
I was genuinely surprised by the amount of appearances made by a relatively young Jamie Carragher. I haven’t seen 500 clocked up so quickly since the wife last stood on the scales. A Liverpool win over Villa will be a weight off my mind; I’m playing heavily at 4/6.
Ronaldo is on course to be the first wide man since George Best to receive the Golden Boot. There are many similarities between the two players. Best was a Manchester United hero, as is Ronaldo. Best was a phenomenal dribbler, as is the Portuguese step-over expert. Best loved his women. I’ll be trying to get on Manchester United at 4/9 to beat Reading.
John Terry has been outed as a Manchester United supporter, further perpetrating the myth that most of United’s support originates in London. That’s an insult to the Chinese. I’ll take it as a personal insult if Chelsea slip up against Birmingham at 4/6.
After starting the season on fire, Benjani has reverted to type. If missed chances were pints of lager, he’d have a liver like George Best. I’m taking a chance on the draw between Portsmouth and Derby at 10/3.
I can’t think of George Best without remembering the time that I had a badly damaged organ. That night still haunts me, and I can’t sleep without the aid of sedatives. Luckily, I’ve been carrying them around with me for a number of years, as you never know when opportunity will knock. Chelsea, Tottenham, Newcastle, Everton and Liverpool form a fantastic 15/1 betting opportunity that only comes along once every seven days.
Saturday January 19 2008
15:00 – Birmingham City v Chelsea
15:00 – Blackburn Rovers v Middlesbrough
15:00 – Fulham v Arsenal
15:00 – Portsmouth v Derby County
15:00 – Reading v Manchester United
15:00 – Tottenham Hotspur v Sunderland
17:15 – Newcastle United v Bolton Wanderers
Sunday January 20 2008
13:30 – Wigan Athletic v Everton
16:00 – Manchester City v West Ham United
Monday January 21 2008
20:00 – Liverpool v Aston Villa
Betting advice from Soccerlens advertisers OLBG
The best English Premier League bet this weekend is Everton…
OLBG members have chosen. Their bet of the week is Everton on the handicap at +0 against Wigan. They feel that the bookmakers have overestimated and under priced Wigan and expect the David Moyes team to win at the JJB or at worst not lose. This game was far and away the most popular in the OLBG V THE BOOKIES challenge.
It came down in the end to a choice of an Everton straight win, Everton on the handicap or Manchester United on the handicap against Reading. The Toffees now need to do the business for us. The members feeling that Wigans direct style football is the sort that rarely bothers Everton and that the bookies were being generous in their handicap pricing.
From Monday each week OLBG members debate and discuss the premiership matches being played that weekend. OLBG place the real money bet on behalf of the members and at the end of the season the pot of winnings will be divided amongst the contributors. Everyone who is a member can join in as the winnings are dependant on the quality of your input. Currently some members are entitled to over £150 in payments all for free.
If you would like to help pick out next weeks premiership bet and get some cash go to www.olbg.co.uk