“What’s better? Spending one night of passion with Kylie Minogue, or seeing your club team win the Champions League?”
As football fans, I’m sure that’s a question we’ve all been asked at some point or another, although you may replace the ‘Kylie Minogue’ part with any foxy lady that suits your fancy, if the curvy Aussie pop artist isn’t your cup of tea.
Pondering about the dilemma, some might say that “if you hesitate, you’re not a real fan”, although those same people will probably have some serious thinking to do if we also include Dannii in the equation… but I digress.
The point of this article wasn’t to inform the public about my creepy obsession with the Minogue sisters, but rather to tell you the peculiar story of Martin Cooper. Martin Cooper is a 59 year-old taxi driver from in Norwich, East England, who lives and breathes by only one simple rule: “in life, you can change wives as many times as you want, but your heart must remain true to Liverpool, always”. Mr. Cooper is quite the expert on the matter, because his love for the Reds has cost the man 7 divorces already.
“I was a little 7 year-old kid when the Reds came to play at Carrow Road (Norwich’s home stadium), and from then on it was love at first sight”, said Cooper in an interview to the Daily Star (I tried finding the article online on the Star website, with no success, so I’m picking up this story from La Gazzetta dello Sport). Martin’s love for the club from Anfield Road was so intense that it took priority over everything, and I really mean everything, including Martin’s love life.
Martin got first married when he was 19, with Rosemary, but the story ended soon after because the missus couldn’t obtain Martin’s undivided attention. Some time later, Patricia didn’t have much luck, and neither did Barbara (although she managed to resist for almost 2 years). Then came another Rosemary, but “she was a housewife, and it lasted only a couple of years” said Cooper. Enter wife nº5, Carol, which even tried to play the ‘ultimatum’ card: “Martin if you go watch this match, you will not find me here when you return”. To which Martin answered “Fair enough”. You can guess what happened next: Martin went to the game, and surprise surprise, found the house empty when he got back.
The 6th time’s the charm, right? Erm no wait… I’ve lost count, I think we’re way past that now… anyways, when Martin met Davina, it seemed like it was finally it: the couple fell in love, got married, and even had a little baby together… ‘and they all lived happily ever after’… right? Wrong. You see, Martin had the brilliant idea of naming his first-born child with 11 different names, and you can guess that he didn’t need the ‘Big book of children’s names’ to get some inspiration. No, all he had to do was to take a look at the Reds team roster of 1986, the winners of the League and FA Cup double. Too much for Davina I guess i.e. divorce nº6.
Finally, the last brave soul ready to venture on uncharted Reds territory was Tina, but even that story ended abruptly: “We met in September, were married in October, and got separated in January”, told Cooper.
Now this story may be funny to some of you, to others it may be tragic (and to some, tragically funny), but for those feeling for dear old Martin, don’t worry: the man’s happy. Despite his 7 divorces, and the fact that he’s got no missus, he “will never walk alone” (OK that was an easy one).
“Love has no boundaries”, but in some cases they all lead to Anfield.
Marco Pantanella writes on the mCalcio blog.