In an ambitious and somewhat desperate attempt to wipe off their debt, Manchester United have struck a stunning 40m deal with Liverpool, taking Scouser and former Everton star Wayne Rooney to Anfield.
Reports suggest that Manchester United’s need to sell, coupled with the lack of quality strikers at Liverpool and Steven Gerrard’s desire to win titles meant that Liverpool were left with no choice but to pay Manchester United’s asking price.
Of course, the deal will not be finalised till July but the work has already started, with Coleen Mclaughlin spotted in Liverpool shopping for a house with Alex Curran. The £40m will be paid to Manchester United up front and will be funded by Liverpool using the money from the sales of Kuyt, Voronin, Riise, and Carson. Of course, this probably won’t even cover Rooney’s one-year wages, so in reality Hicks and Gillett will need to borrow £40m from Roman Abramovich (or perhaps sell a share of Liverpool to DIC) to fund the purchase.
Rafa Benitez was ecstatic at getting Wayne Rooney, saying:
I am certain that with Rooney we will win the Premier League next season. The owners – they have promised me that they will do anything, even sell the club, to get Rooney to Anfield and that shows their dedication to the club and their confidence in me as well. I’m very happy, I think we can win it next year.
Gerrard too was overjoyed:
Of course it’s excellent news – Rooney and I have been mates for quite some time, ever since he started playing for England and I think him and Torres are the 2 best strikers in the world today. Hopefully he can help me fulfill my dream of winning the Premier League before I retire.
Sir Alex Ferguson and Wayne Rooney were unavailable for comment – however if rumours are to be believed (and they usually are), the pair were last spotted in a dark alley surrounding Keith Hackett – Fergie was reported to have screamed and spat in Hackett’s face, while Rooney allegedly clapped his hands in front of Hackett and told him to fuck off. If true, these rumours will do little to sideline the move – Manchester United are committed to shipping out Rooney at the end of this season and have also indicated that they will terminate Fergie’s contract in May 2008.
You can read more on the amazing plan to make Manchester United debt-free by 21 December 2012 – which includes the sale of Rio Ferdinand and Cristiano Ronaldo, amongst others, here.
Do you think that Liverpool can win the Premier League with Wayne Rooney?
Disclaimer: April Fool! 🙂 Nothing in the above news item should be considered truthful – it is all a figment of the author’s imagination. To read more April Fool stories, please visit our April Fools section on Soccerlens.