David Gill has responded to Ferguson’s desire to retire at the end of this season by naming an unlikely candidate as successor:
During a brief phone call, David Gill acknowledged that the Manchester United board was aware of Ferguson’s views and that a successor was already in place to take over at Manchester United.
“I think it’s important to understand that Sir Alex Ferguson is a very respected man inside Manchester United, and we accept his decision to retire.
Of course, we have plans to make the transition as easy as possible. It will be difficult, because Manchester United will have won the trouble and the new coach will be expected to win it again, but you have to be realistic about such things.”
On possible candidates:
“You have to look at the number of candidates that don’t make it.
Lippi is Italian, we don’t want corruption scandals here.
Hughes is Welsh, and we’re not as desperate as we were when Ferguson took over.
O’Neill is Scottish and have you seen where Aston Villa are at the moment in the league?
Roy Keane is Irish and anyway I don’t think Fletcher, Ferdinand and Ferguson like him very much.
Quieroz has no plans to stay on, he will move on with Ronaldo, and after Ronny’s interview I don’t think we can keep him, especially if Abramovich is willing to pay his wages.
Cappello has taken a good squad to the cleaners, I don’t think I can trust him. Plus he’s Italian.
The only man left here is Steve McClaren. He’s the perfect candidate for the job. The players know him, respect him, trust him, plus he’s out of a job in the summer.”
What about the fans?
“Fuck the fans.
No, wait, I didn’t say that.
I think it’s important to think about the fans, but it’s more important to have a manager who can listen to the players and do what they want. Ferguson is different, he is a winner. But in the absence of good managers (there’s only one Ferguson), who are you going to call upon?”
“Yes. Steve McClaren will be the next Manchester United manager.
The FA are ok with it, they wanted Ferguson or Queiroz and I told them to talk to them directly. Frankly, I can’t be bothered with England, it’s a shit team, I don’t know why Rio and Gary bother with it.”
“Fantastic site mate, you’re the only one who hasn’t called me on selling out to the Glazers, and I appreciate that.”
Thank you, Mr Gill, for this insightful interview – it was much appreciated!
Disclaimer: April Fool! 🙂 Nothing in the above news item should be considered truthful, as it is all a figment of the author’s imagination. To comment on this item, to offer your views on this ‘prank’ or to read more April Fool stories, please visit the official April Fools page on Soccerlens.