Welcome to Fergie Time, a new roundup/newsletter type deal that delivers news, opinion and links directly to your screen, plus made-up quotes, knee-jerk reactions and awards that don’t really exist. As the name suggests, there will be some exaggeration, nsfw moments, canceled press conferences (oh, who are we kidding) and late, late, late scoring of points. You’ll like it, trust me.
The Sun ran a story under the headline Capello: Carry on Gerro this week, about Fabio Capello giving the England armband to Steven Gerrard permanently, at the expense of current official captain Rio Ferdinand. Pop quiz: The “FA Insider” quoted in this story is:
a) Fabio Capello
b) Someone’s assistant, who has no actual say over who the England captain is, or
c) Someone at The Sun who desperately wanted to write this story
GOOD NEWS/BAD NEWS:
Good News: The New York Cosmos (of Pele fame) unveiled their new shirt this week. Manufactured by Umbro, it’s similar to the classic late ’70s shirt, but slightly snazzier.
Bad News: New York Cosmos do not currently have a professional football team or any professional players.
3 UP FRONT:
The best football podcast around (hey, don’t take our word for it, have a listen!) covers this week’s biggest stories, including Rooney’s form, bargain summer transfers, champions league performances and Chelsea v Arsenal. You can listen in to this week’s show (and subscribe) here.
QUOTES OF THE WEEK:
“I feel good as a central striker. For a forward it’s important to play close to the goal and not far from it.”
– Inter striker Samuel Eto’o. A career in management beckons.
“Aaron is a quiet little lad but one game can turn it for him. He needs to get a bit of confidence. And maybe in training you work with him and you stick somebody at left-back who you’re confident that he can get by.”
– Harry Redknapp lets Aaron Lennon know that fullback he’s been beating all week was actually the tea lady.
“I don’t see any comparisons between anyone. There is no other Sam Allardyce, there is just the one. There never has been and never will be another Sam Allardyce. Sam Allardyce doesn’t manage like anyone else.”
– Sam Allardyce refutes recent reports of Sam Allardyce cloning.
QUESTION ANSWERED QUICKLY
Q: Will Wayne Rooney rediscover his form for Manchester United and England?
A: Eventually, yes.
In the meantime, everyone just chill.
THE QUOTE THAT WON’T HAPPEN:
“We wholeheartedly apologize to all Liverpool fans and will sell the club tomorrow, with a $10bn parting gift for Roy Hodgson to spend on strikers. It was the knowledge and passion of Premier League football experts Samuel L. Jackson and Mike Myers that convinced us.”
– News of a Hollywood supported anti-Hicks and Gillett Liverpool F.C. viral video might get the internets excited, but it won’t change the Liveprool owners’ minds.
Most Intense Substitution: Goalkeeper Khaled Askri, of Moroccan club FAR Rabat was already famous as the guy who celebrated saving a penalty while the rebound rolled in. This week he made another error when his attempt to dribble ended with him losing the ball and the opposition getting an easy goal. Askri’s response was to immediately ask for a sub, remove his jersey and sprint for the sidelines. And it wasn’t even half-time.
Most In-Your-Face Public Relations Move: David Beckham responded to an LA Galaxy fan’s post-match “Stop with the prostitutes!” taunt by coming back down the tunnel to stare the guy down and invite him to “Say it to my face”. Said guy did not say it to his face, or any other part of Goldenballs’ anatomy.
Best Nintendo-Themed Fan Activity: Not a competitive category, but this Mario vs Koop Troopa display by Chicago Fire fans in Major League Soccer is the clear winner.
BABE OF THE MONTH (OCTOBER 2010)
The lovely and proportionate Gemma Atkinson. If you fall in love with her, don’t say we didn’t warn you…
Everyone has a football fantasy. Mine is to win some more money on the Soccerlens Fantasy Football Game. There’s between $40 and $200 in prize money available each week, provided you pick the correct formation.